Wow you mentioned 'control' and that is what I have been thinking lately, thats why it feels like it lacks authenticity to me is they want me to reinforce their material success or lifestyle ( for example) when for me I am more about having a real connection with a person. Im so not about come over to my home to see my furniture and carpet. Im just not into that....but they are..sadly.

Also I am thinking if they are so happy with themselves why do they need me to make token gestures of approval.

I was having a bit of a confrontation recently with a sister who was saying she was dissapointed that I didnt show more enthusiasm when her and her boyfriend purchased their first home together. When she told me about it I said to her that it was exciting news, but apparently that was not enough for her and it caused somewhat of a family drama with me having to defend myself, though I know I did nothing wrong.

I feel like I am trying to assert my independance from their clanish ways...it feels like even though I want to so much and need to for my own sanity and personal growth, there is this fear that comes up like, what if it becomes too awkward and painful ( i mean I dont want to hurt anyones feelings) but they just arent respecting my individuality at all.

I have Uranus in Scorpio in the 12th house. Moon in Aquarius in the 4th house. I dont know if that sheds any light.

It occurred to me I did not answer this question really.

What it seems to me is that the cozy and narrow world of 'little boxes' conformity my faily holds so dear seems to be wining, and wining again. Nowadays, it all seems o be 'workworkwork' but unlike in the secure and conformist 50's that shaped my parents, fr very little reward and without even the complacence of security.

I did find myself wanting to question always why it is that itis only by following certain traditional milestones such as getting a good job, getting married, driving a car, having children and getting a mortgage that you are then deemd to be a fully-fledged adult human being.

Well, I failed at the first post as when I graduated there was massive graduate unemployment and as my family believed hat all the unemployed are scroungers by defaul, I did want o question why having a paid job should be the only thing that validates you.

Of course, long term unemplymnet is disempowering and I certainly was not prepared to wait around in order to be rounded up to become workfare fodder, so for the last decade I have been self-employed. Now, it is just interesing o see how selecive my family is about what they are supportive about and what they are not. So they are delighted to hear that I am giving workshops to aspiring doctors so that their English will be good enough for them to be able to work abroad, but when I told my father that I had been paid royalties for a run of my Tarot cards to be printed, there was the immediate catastrophic reaction that the Bad Old Days of Slumming it and Buming it amongst Struggling Artists on inner-city estates ,were back.

In fact, I live in an inner-city estate now,l but sadly, mius any artists or alternative thinkers whatsoever. However, my flat comes with a mortgage and the address is in theory ok, so my family can slep sondly at night from that point of view now.